sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
