i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
