At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this will be a night to untag.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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