Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
