Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
