life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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