There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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