he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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