He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
