dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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