Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
