Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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