OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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