I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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