i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
