ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
