So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
