We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting