if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
