Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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