I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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