i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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