I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
