Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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