ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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