Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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