happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You ruined the universe
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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