Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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