he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
