my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
