i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
