Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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