"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize