Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
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just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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