And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
