grandma shit on top of the toilet
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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