it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
