It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
