so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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