I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
