It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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