I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
