ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
