She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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