I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
