I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
