I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
