btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
