So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
