There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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