Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
