At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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