oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
