Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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