ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
