That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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