I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
