he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
