What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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