Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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