Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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